Would you go through this again?

Would I do this again? If I were to rewind it, even knowing what I knew? Alan was a good man, so I would do it again. If he comes out of jail and messes up? I’m not doing it again. If this was a hard long haul and I’m only two years in - and I’m going to make it for the rest of the five, make it till the end no matter what.

I would do this over again. He’s worth it. He was a good man. Out of all the time I knew him one mistake. I can’t chuck everything for that. But if he comes out and screws up again even though he’s a good man. He obviously didn’t learn a lesson so or his family didn’t mean enough to him. And then I wouldn’t. Wouldn’t put myself, wouldn’t put my kids through this.

I made this choice. So I’m stuck with it. I’m doing fine. When he comes out, we’re going to pick up where we left off. We’ll be a little bit older, a little less attractive, but we’re going to pick it up and hope on grandchildren to bring back the family that was lost.

But my kids took a major toll this time around. They’ve had a hard time, Donnie mostly. Josh was born into Alan’s arms. I mean, from the time he got out of the nursery. Alan held him before I got him! So Josh has never been abused a day in his life. Josh has had the good life from the time he came home.

Donnie had a rough life. Rough start, bad start and he had an adjustment period when his brother came home with a new man in the house. He had an adjustment period following that. So he’s had a hard life, and then just when he found some happiness in the world; he had his dad, he had everything in the world he could ever want, and it was taken away with no replacements.

We did have my dad. My step-dad just passed away recently. So when Alan got taken he was there - which was a good thing. He was the perfect grandfather. He took the kids out swimming, did the man things. Then he died very recently and that was a harsh blow.

That affected Donnie just as deeply as dad going away. Then he started really getting into “oh my daddy’s gone, my daddy’s gone.” A little thirteen-year-old boy didn’t need this much in his life.

Maybe he’ll be here in time to teach him all the things I try to teach Donnie and can’t do. Josh had a daddy right from the day he came out and he had the good life. And Josh’s going to luck out once again cause he’s going to have the man to put him through puberty.

Donnie got messed all the way around. He had the bad life when he started. He got the good life with his dad. Dad got taken away. Dad’s not going to be home for puberty either.

If he screws up again, he better find his way to New Hampshire cause he’s not going to stay in Georgia with me. You mess up again; you’re not going to even be in the same state! Because that will tell me that he didn’t care about his family.

It might sound mean, but if any man comes out with a family and messes up again, I don’t think they deserve another shot. When you give them this one chance and it’s a big one. You do it again you don’t deserve that shot cause families suffer. They really suffer hard.

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